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When I first began following the recent wave of anti-Chinese propaganda in Western media, I didn’t know it would get so good so fast.

First of all, you have to admire the Chinese for their efficiency, such as when too much embarrassing Western media led to the execution of their Food and Drug guy. It takes us a decade to execute even our lowest criminals, and it would take some sort of legal apocalypse for us to dispatch a politician or businessman. To the eyes of our shifty democratic masters, the Chinese rulers live in some sort of delicious unreal Candyland, where administration embarrassments can be sent straight to the hangman.

However, it is no good for us to envy the Chinese for more than a few moments, thus we need more articles like this one about too much lead in the paint of our Sesame Street toys, and this one about how the Chinese ship their rats between provinces for use as meat in their restaurants.

One thing underlying these stories that evokes our wrath and envy is the superior adaptability of the Chinese. If America wants to give its children toys of grouchy green monsters in garbage cans, the Chinese shrug and take our money. If a lake floods and displaces two billion rats, the Chinese see a new opportunity for protein.

Four days after Beijing suspended US meat imports, George Bush has set up a panel to determine the safety of food imported into the U.S.

BBC reports:

The measure follows a series of scares in the US involving fish, seafood, toothpaste, toys and tyres from China. The White House has denied the move is aimed specifically at China, saying it is important to check all imports.

Yes, that’s right. Let’s check all the imports. But let’s check the Chinese ones first. And, by the way, how do you get a job on one of these panels? Everyone knows that panels don’t do anything. They collect a bunch of paperwork, hire someone to read it and write a synopsis, then present it as if they know what the fuck they’re talking about. I want a job on this panel in particular, because then when people ask me what I do I can say, “I’m on The Dangerous Chinese Toothpaste Panel.”

Hindu prayer in the Senate draws protesters

WASHINGTON (Reuters) — Three protesters disrupted a prayer by a Hindu chaplain Thursday at the opening of a Senate hearing, calling it an abomination and shouting slogans about Jesus Christ.

It was the first time the daily prayer that opens Senate proceedings was said by a Hindu chaplain.

Capitol police said two women and one man were arrested and charged with causing a disruption in the public gallery of the Senate. The three started shouting when guest Chaplain Rajan Zed, a Hindu from Nevada, began his prayer.

They shouted “No Lord but Jesus Christ” and “There’s only one true God,” and used the term “abomination.”

Link (CNN)

This story and video nicely highlight the silliness of encouraging religion of any stripe in public political matters. It’s as if the Senate, before settling down as one of the most powerful bodies in the world, whose decisions daily reverberate around the globe with economic and political gravity unmatched by almost any other in modern history, opened with everyone holding hands and singing Puff the Magic Dragon.

We may even be at the point where religious tolerance is a liability, and it’s time for some good, old-fashioned, religious persecution.

Anyone who professes any kind of religion whatsoever gets thrown in the clink, which will certainly need to be very large, perhaps the size of Canada or so. This will not vanquish religion altogether, but perhaps it will help otherwise emboldened rascals to shut up for awhile, thus facilitating the urgent flow of American commodities that needn’t pause for occasional yammering outbursts regarding invisible beings and what Jesus or Mohammed thought of stem cells or rimjobs.

From niggaknow.com:

…no nigga who working the strip gonna come home after a long day and fire up that level 78 dwarf magician, nah mean. But don’t get me wrong: video games not only for Koreans. I mean, theres a difference between shit like NBA Live and Dungeonquest or whatever the fuck, or GTA: San Andreas and some fruity Asian Final Fantasy game where some dick with pointy blonde hair and capris be taking turns with a nigga with a fucking gatling gun on his arm to attack some big ass monster that look like a giant nut sack.

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The Fishpen™ is a complete fishing system and has everything you need to start fishing. Included are a starter tackle kit with hooks, line, weights and bobbers; all in a convenient compartment container for easy organization. You’ll get all this in a handsome and convenient zippered pouch to hold the entire system.

The other day I was watching CNN and it seemed to be “China” day.

Two Chinese guys were signed on to the New York Yankees. CNN interviewed
people on the streets. White people and black people interviewed said that they
were happy to have Chinese people in the ball club.

Next story: Chinese toothpaste may kill you because it has antifreeze in it. Don’t use any Chinese toothpaste. In fact, avoid any product that doesn’t have English on the label.

Next story: Chinese pilots who don’t understand English pose a threat to safe air-traffic control. The Chinese government promised it was doing everything it could to instruct its pilots in English.

Beneath all these pressing issues lies a simple problem for our news media: some Americans don’t like Chinese people, and the rest of the Americans don’t care about them one way or another. Yet, as united Americans, our single duty in life, if we’re not crushing someone, is to make them like us, so we can crush them later at a time of our choosing. Therefore, our media has to pull off this ballerina routine, contorting into these fantastic positions to assure Americans that there are, indeed, plenty of good reasons to be suspicious and frightened of the Chinese, while simultaneously exhibiting down-home country manners enough to tolerate them playing baseball.

In this process, CNN is not explaining how basic tribal self-interest can peacefully co-exist with all those yellow motherfuckers coming out of the woodwork. Thus America doesn’t yet know whether to cheer for baseball players or boycott toothpaste.

But, rest assured, CNN and its sponsors are on the case, gently forewarning us of which way the wind is blowing, so that we will not be startled later.

More: Chinese food ‘made from cardboard’

The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda — a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap — then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on the screen. The reporter takes a bite.

The Death Ship is a podcast devoted to those on the quest for Power, and to Lindstrom’s delicious buckwheat cakes. Do not listen to this podcast if you do not strive for either Power or buckwheat cakes.

The Proliferation of Cute: a Review of March of the Penguins and Happy Feet

If a penguin is cute, then a penguin with two heads is cuter. In ten years the technology should allow us to breed these in great number and introduce them into the wild in Antarctica. Former single-headed penguins can then safely be harvested and used as meat.

War Macros (based on the Cat Macro and Leetspeak phenom! LOL! x2!

Benny Hinn’s Miracle Crusade

As soon as we took our seats I began rummaging through the sight of wrecked humanity populating the coveted center-seating area. Crutches, wheelchairs, IV tubes, and even one motionless old ghost on a gurney attended by two medics. Scanning the sea of physical impairment, in concert with the zealous security staff at each floor station impeding our access, this is where I first came to appreciate Mr. Hinn’s Crusade.

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