The Chinese Make Our Toys and Eat Rats
Aug 7th, 2007 by Nick
When I first began following the recent wave of anti-Chinese propaganda in Western media, I didn’t know it would get so good so fast.
First of all, you have to admire the Chinese for their efficiency, such as when too much embarrassing Western media led to the execution of their Food and Drug guy. It takes us a decade to execute even our lowest criminals, and it would take some sort of legal apocalypse for us to dispatch a politician or businessman. To the eyes of our shifty democratic masters, the Chinese rulers live in some sort of delicious unreal Candyland, where administration embarrassments can be sent straight to the hangman.
However, it is no good for us to envy the Chinese for more than a few moments, thus we need more articles like this one about too much lead in the paint of our Sesame Street toys, and this one about how the Chinese ship their rats between provinces for use as meat in their restaurants.
One thing underlying these stories that evokes our wrath and envy is the superior adaptability of the Chinese. If America wants to give its children toys of grouchy green monsters in garbage cans, the Chinese shrug and take our money. If a lake floods and displaces two billion rats, the Chinese see a new opportunity for protein.
From 
The other day I was watching CNN and it seemed to be “China” day.
If a penguin is cute, then a penguin with two heads is cuter. In ten years the technology should allow us to breed these in great number and introduce them into the wild in Antarctica. Former single-headed penguins can then safely be harvested and used as meat.
As soon as we took our seats I began rummaging through the sight of wrecked humanity populating the coveted center-seating area. Crutches, wheelchairs, IV tubes, and even one motionless old ghost on a gurney attended by two medics. Scanning the sea of physical impairment, in concert with the zealous security staff at each floor station impeding our access, this is where I first came to appreciate Mr. Hinn’s Crusade.